God, sadness and cigarettes

My fourth day in London is a lovely Thursday. It is sunny and the thermometer shoots around 19° C. I have been busy over the course of the last days with enrolment (KCL is such a posh place:)), looking for a room, getting a UK simcard, painting (I love it!), a prayer meeting , tuition fee dealings, watching football matches in pubs, etc.

Until last night I felt like in a glass house. I saw so many things in London while cycling through it, but I did not feel like exploring it. Probably I was in the process of adjusting to a new place after Spain and Portugal and this was one of its sideeffects. Yesterday afternoon I was really depressed because I could not find proper accomodation - it was either too far away from my college or too expensive. But the prayer meeting last night totally cheered me up. Even though I am in a pretty conservative household (I don't know if I have been too such a conservative place) the fellowship in prayer in the Swiss pastor's living room was super encouraging. We were such a diverse bunch - a baltic gypsie, who has been translating the bible into his native tongue over the last 20 years; a German Aupair and a German language student, a retired English arts teacher, an American Humanities student and the pastor and his wife with their Swiss secretary - but every single one of us felt so unified in the spirit. It was a really blessed time we had worshipping God and asking him to help us in our daily lives. Since last night I am prodigiously enthusiastic about my stay.

I think God really wants me here and it was no accident:) After the christian roller coaster ride I was on for about the last five years, I hope he rather places me now on a route 66 like christian path - I would not even mind to start a climb a la l'Alpe de Huez or Mount Ventoux - but at least something more steady even though strenuous.

Last night I started to read the gospel of John with Darby's commentary. The verse of the day really inspired me: "If you hold on to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8, 31 & 32)
So I thought to myself I really need to investigate this truth all over again and apply it to my life. I am sick of being a mere believer with a freeway ticket to heaven. I want the real thing again and take up my cross like a real disciple.

This afternoon after lunch we had coffee together. I was so super shaken by my yearning to smoke a cigarette during those twenty minutes that I really needed to make conversation in order to distract myself from this inner yearning. The brownies helped, too. I was feeling a little bit like in Trainspotting. Maybe cutting down on cigarettes added to my instability and sadness.

Monday morning I smoked my last Vanelle and left the rest in a bar in Santiago. On Tuesday I could not overcome temptation and had two with Claire, a South American studies major I met just outside King's. And then at night went to a bar in the neighbourhood to enjoy some Champions Leage action. There I met Melville and David who went out for a smoke and I just could not resist. But, on the other hand, on tons of occasions I said no. I am only realizing what bad type of drug it is and that I was addicted to it to a great extent. I really need ex anastasis power to overcome it.

Yesterday I could do without any. But I feel temptation rising again this night. I am about to meet my cousin David again after all those years. We will watch the Uefa cup encounter between Everton, his favorite club, and Standard Liege. Beer and Coffee really make me want to smoke.
I might have one;) Let's see...